Ominous Octopus - Wren House Brewing Company

Saturday September 10th, 2018. The phone rings. I pick it up.

“We’re releasing Ominous Octopus” says the voice on the other line whom I immediately identify as Preston Thoeny, head brewer from Wren House Brewing Company in Phoenix.

I nearly dropped the phone in disbelief.


Exactly 37 years to the day I had received a similar call.

“We need you in Berlin next year on August 12th”.

“New phone. Who dis?” I ask.

“You know damn well who this is. Be there” and they hang up.

In the early 80’s I was the best stunt man in the business. With movies such as Return of the Jedi, Terminator and Mr. Mom stunt doubles were in high demand. Plus at 2.75 years old my monthly expenses were pretty much zero so the fee for my services was shockingly low. It was steady work and pretty easy because I was harder than a coffin nail.

Fast forward to September 18th 2018. I’m sitting on my couch reading the latest of the epic literature series “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” when a brick crashes through my living room window. On instinct I do a barrel roll off the couch and grab the samurai sword stashed under the cushions in preparation for ensuing attacks. Then I see it. This wasn’t a brick at all. It was a can of Ominous Octopus with a note that read “Enjoy fresh. Or don’t. Your choice. Toodles! - Your friends at Wren House”. So I grab a frosty mug from the freezer (#properglassware) and prep for what I know will be a glorious experience.

When you crack this beast open you immediately get that beautifully floral yet sweet aroma that Wren House hazy IPAs are known for thanks to the Amarillo hops. The beer was named after the tempetmarnal keg washer housed in the Wren House brewery and this beer will do the same for your palate: cleanse it of any remnants of previous indulgences and replace it with deliciousness.

For me the first sip of a Wren House beer is always the best. The addition of oats on top of the malt create the signature smooth and gratifying mouthfeel. For those “not in the know” about mouthfeel don’t be all pervy about it. It's a thing. Look it up, weirdo. You know right away this is a hazy beer but you also realize just that: it's a beer. Some hazy IPAs try to mask the fact that you are drinking beer. Wren says “hey, bruh. You’re drinking beer”. I dig it. Do what you do Wren.

There is no doubt the presence of citrus with this beer. But with the combo of the oats and hops this beer claims true balance. And you know what I love that rarely exists with today's hazy IPA’s (which I love by the way)? A bitter finish. And if anyone knows bitter finishes its me. After my high profile split with Alyssa Milano I realized that I do indeed love a bitter finish. Ok, so I never dated Alyssa Milano (or actually even met her) but I did see her one time in the lobby of the Wigwam Resort when I was a shuttle driver and the look she gave me could be described by no other word other than bitter. Prove me wrong.

My overall analysis of this beer? Get your hands on this shit before it's gone.

Focker out.